Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
