I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
