shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
