At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
