I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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