TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
