I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
