You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
