just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is Oprah even human
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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