whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
