He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
