bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize