her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
