mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
