When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
