Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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