You can't special order awesome
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
