We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
