I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
