I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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