I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
