my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize