If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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