i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
