I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
