I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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