Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
