There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
