So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to make out with him forever
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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