i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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