I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I love you. Go after that dick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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