Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
