I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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