I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
