Porn is love you can see.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
