How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
