How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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