I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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