Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
