i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
