It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
