Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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