Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
