bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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