I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
