mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
