Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
