It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
