garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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