I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
