Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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