I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
