Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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