I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
