he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
