Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
