i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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