No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
