I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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