just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
