I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
