I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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