perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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