I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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