Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
