Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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