I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will die if light touches me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am one with the molecules
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
