I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
