just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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